Seriously.  How do you choose your wine?  It's not as if you can just stroll into the wine department, pick up a bottle and give it a squeeze like it's a melon.  (Trust me, I've tried it.)  In the past, if I didn't pick up a bottle because I liked the pretty butterfly on the label or thought Fat Bastard seemed appropriate under the circumstances, I'd usually resort to seeking the opinion of others before I'd pick some up.  I've heard everything from "Never buy a screw top" to "Make sure they give you one out of their cooler," but no one's really ever explained to me WHY?  

I mean, seriously.  Wine Folly has tried to make all of our lives a little easier with the Infographic below, but nine times out of ten she just boots me right out of her flowchart.  

Original Source: How to Choose Wine

So, I decided to Ask Men next.  Straight off the top, via the article HERE, they've labeled me a "rank amateur" which, frankly, I find upsetting.  I mean, these guys don't even know me.  Not only have they never tasted my salad dressing, they've never even sampled my biscotti.  It would be no different than having some guy tell you on the first date, "Feh.  You're a rank amateur."  At what?  Come here and say that to my face, Ask Men.  I dare you.

Next stop, WikiHow.  WikiWhat?  WikiHow.  And I'm even more confused.  They suggest choosing wine doesn't necessarily involve chickens, fish or beef anymore.  They suggest "weight" is now a key factor.  Give me a break, WikiHow.  I'm back into all of the healthy eating business and my daily workout post Christmas.

Seriously, how do you choose your wine?  And what if it's bad?  I mean, you get a bad melon, you can take it back to the store.  What if you pick up a bottle of wine and you really, truly don't like it?  ...I'm gonna find out.

(pronounced ay-gash-ay-gun-gre)

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